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this is what you shall do:: Friday Fives

Friday, May 05, 2006

Friday Fives

1. How do you picture your funeral? Is it important to have people on hand to mourn you? Huge mourning. We may need to rent the National Cathedral. I think I will start getting together an appropriate media team to coordinate the televised lines as I lay in state. Speechifyin', Mommas cryin'. That is what I foresee.

2. Is there anything anyone could have/should have told you that would have made your first sexual experience more rewarding? It is not a race. The goal isn't to perform sex as if it were a bank heist. Quick in. Blow the safe then a quick getaway.

3. Can you go to the restroom in front of another person? Usually. Unless I am incredibly farty. Then I will pee in the stall not the urinal so I can really let a corker go. Otherwise just come on over and I will pee for you anytime. Call first so I can get my bladder really full. I would like to be nice host and if you can for pee, then I think I am obligated to really let go with some, so a polite call in advance would really be in your interest.

4. How do you react when people sing Happy Birthday to you in a restaurant? Generally badly. Badly and embarrased. However a few years back I was accidentally serandaded by some songstress at a birthday celebration at La Chuga's in North Denver. It was such a bad performance that looking back, it was very funny. She didn't sing Happy Birthday but I don't recall the song. (Any help out there on that?)

5. If you had to spend a season in a small but fully provisioned Antarctic shelter with one other person, whom would you like to have with you? Well, this is where I get an edge of folks. See, I have no spouse or cherished love ones that I am contractually obligated to live with. So I can wipe away the sentiment. I won't have to say: "My wife, because together we can tackle the world - with our love." That leaves me with a realistic view. And since the Antarctic is a terrible mistress, full of danger, weather and challenges, I need someone who knows what they are doing - because I don't. I would choose Kevin's pal Arne. I disagree politically with just about everything about him, but he could kill a seal and keep the fire burning - all important points.